I've never felt that I'm one to possess inordinate amounts of patience.
In the early years of my marriage, I was constantly surprised at how well my husband did when it came to the mundane task of waiting. Waiting in line, waiting at airports, waiting for people, he has always just brought a crossword puzzle and enjoyed waiting.
I, however, usually tapped my foot and impatiently rambled on about, "what in the world could be taking so long." I remember when our oldest child was due and he would wake me up everyday asking, "Do you think today will be the day?" Me, dreading all aspects of pain, would retort back, "How should I know?" He was looking forward to it, excited, patiently waiting. I was dreading the unknown and all future promises of suffering. I wanted to be a mom, its just as the day drew nearer, I think I was scared and I was bracing myself for pain. I wished I could just be there. Just be a mom, holding my baby, skipping any pain and drama of delivery. In the same way, I wish I could just be there, in Africa. Just skipping all pains of saying goodbye, all the drama of leaving everything familiar. Its all the heaving and pushing it takes to move this family of five to another continent. Skip (my husband) is enjoying the process, I'm having a harder time. I'm excited, but dreading some of the harder things to come. One of the things the Lord so graciously does with me, is He leads me through tough things in my devotional time, before they happen. So I'm ready. Things don't come as a complete shock. There are still surprises but its like I've already been briefed. In times past, I've cried the majority of my tears before the event has happened. The only down side to that is that the enemy ( the devil) can really play on your fears, so you need to be very vigilant in guarding your heart. After all, I don't need to cry about the food shortage coming in 3010, when who knows if that will happen.
The challenge is living in the grace for today. Not getting to worked up about tomorrow. For those who have asked me, " Have you really thought this thing through? Do you really know what your doing?" The answer would be, I have and I have spent many a sleepless night thinking about all the "what ifs." I've cried, I've prayed and the fears of everyday life in a third world country have weighed on me, where at times I've felt that I can't take it. My conclusion has been, I will have to trust the Lord, I choose to trust the Lord. Whatever happens to me and my family in Africa, I will meet it with faith and the Lord will give me grace for that day. He has promised me that, He will take care of me.
My response is faith.
